|Celebrating On The Beach|
In some ways this is exciting and splendid. You are growing bigger and more independent, you are healthy and strong and soon you will be walking and talking and sleeping through the night (maybe? please!!!). But in other ways, I feel a bit sad. You see, you are my last baby. Every time you do something new, that is the last time I'll experience one of my babies doing something new. Every milestone you meet and move on, that is the last time I'll see one of my little ones progressing and leaving behind a wee bit of their baby-ness.
And that is why I am enjoying you so very much!
You are such a joy! You are an intensely happy boy. In whatever you're doing you give it your all. You are full of character and make us laugh our heads off! You are so very determined (not unlike your brother
and sisters!). You are so expressive and loud! I suppose you need to use your voice to be heard in a house full of kids!
Looking back on this past year I can't believe how far we've come...how far you've come, little one. You beat all the odds and have surprised and surpassed everyone who dared put expectations or limitations on you or how or what you'd do. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the day you were born...about how you were born. It is a memory I hold deep in my heart...wrapped in the most intense
love. You came into my life at the very right time. You came into this world to teach me the most important lesson I needed to learn: in order to love, to truly love, I needed to learn to let go. The moment you were born I was plunged into crazy uncertainty and you helped me to understand that sometimes the way things happen may not be clear or make sense at the time, maybe they will later, maybe they won't...but at the risk of sounding totally simplistic, all that matters is love. It was my
love for you and your love for me that kept us going during those days when you were in the NICU, during those days when we didn't know what was
going to happen...and all I could do was love you
with every cell in my body, with every beating of my heart. And in that place of love I had a connection to you where you were sending me love too. And with that love, your sweet, pure and full-of-light-love I was able to keep going, to hope, to trust that you would stay warm and wiggling in my arms and that I would see you grow into the little boy you are. Thank you for choosing me as your mother. Thank you for these past 12 months of joy and laughter. I'm so excited to see what you will do next!
Even though I'm exhausted most days, I wouldn't
trade it for anything. Every moment that I get to
smell your sweaty baby head, your sweet, milky breath, the way you lay your little head on my shoulder and wrap your arms around my neck...it makes every hard moment worth it.
My wish for you, little one, is for you to continue to be full of joy. To live your life to the fullest and to give every moment your full presence and to use your amazing determination to never give up on your dreams.
We love you beyond what words can can describe...and always will.
Happy First Birthday O-Bear!