Monday, January 5, 2015

Versions Of Me...

In another dimension there is a version of me that...

Finishes her to-do list with ease. She never forgets anything when grocery shopping so gets it done quickly and effectively and never has to make multiple trips. She finds organizing simple and the fact that she has four children does not hinder her from getting tasks done. Her children, as a matter of fact, are so well behaved and listen to her requests the first time she makes them. She never has to repeat herself. She never ever has to utter the words "if you choose not to do this, then this will happen" because her children just know exactly what to do and when to do it. In fact, they don't do much and are agreeable to have their daily activities planned for them. Her husband brings her flowers every other day and is usually quiet. He never leaves the toilet seat up or the bath mat sopping wet. Her baby eats meticulously and hardly ever needs a bib or a change of clothes after meals. He plays nicely alone and very rarely needs to be constantly entertained. But the most attractive quality of this little chap is that he sleeps long naps during the day and sleeps all through the night. Her house is organized and everything is put away exactly where it goes and is easy to find when needed next. Her windows are clear and smudge and hand-print free so she can overlook her garden as she relaxes and sips her tea, which she finds herself doing often as there isn't much else to do. Her minivan is shockingly clean because her children never leave food in their car seats or in the compartments beside their seats. There are zero crumbs or dirt because everyone is careful to not track stuff on their shoes when they get in. Plus, she always remembers to have a bag handy to collect the trash. She never worries about the past or the future. And she certainly doesn't dread having to stay up all night with sick, coughing, vomiting, feverish children all requiring her attention at once. She seems to always know just what to cook and her children eat up what she serves. She's always cheerful and hardly tired despite her full days because she's well rested, of course.

Obviously, this other woman has nothing to complain about. And yet...

She wishes sometimes spontaneity happened. She wonders what it would be like if her children were a bit more wild, louder, took risks, asked a million questions and were more creative. She wonders if her baby didn't sleep so much what it would be like to snuggle and breathe in his sweet smelling head in the wee hours of the night. She sometimes gets frustrated with the almost robotic way her husband talks with her and wonders what it would be like if he sometimes let loose, was passionate and gave her ways she could take care of him to make her feel more useful.

She looks around at her house and, while it is pristine and perfect, she often feels bored and wishes she had more to do. She wishes her baby needed her more because he is just growing up too fast and she wants to enjoy him more.

She just wishes she had a challenge, you know, something to overcome, to accomplish so she could feel proud. She wants to feel a range of emotions...feeling cheerful all the time gets boring. And after all, it's not true bone-deep happiness. She wants that. She wants to feel it all...happy, angry, sad, excited, scared, worried and she imagines this would add a sense of feeling alive.

Then one day, something pretty amazing happened and for a brief second both of these women got a glimpse of each other's lives within and without.

Then the me I am realized that my life, my reality, my every day, is what the other woman wanted.

All that was left for me to do then was say: "Thank You."

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