Tuesday, December 11, 2012

On The Sly

What a day I've had. If I told you about it, you probably wouldn't believe it. But it's all true, I swear.

It all started with a cranky morning. For some reason, all three kids woke up grouchy. Their usual wake-up routine was thrown off for some reason. I blame it on the husband. Poor guy, it's not actually his fault. I know he does his best, which is actually awesome, but today for some reason his little critics were not on his side.

Sharky Boy said the oatmeal was too hot and the honey wasn't dissolved. Bebecita was waiting for him in her bed, and got upset when instead I came in to get her. Mermaid Girl was sad he was going to work and pouted and whined.

I was thinking, "Damn you kids! Be grateful you even have a Daddy...who makes you breakfast AND is willing to work his ass off all day to feed you, put a roof over your head and buy you clothes and all the food you eat!"

But of course I kept that to myself and prepped myself for a rough morning.

Which it was. 

Of all days, of course it had to be the day we needed to get out the door to piano class, post office and the grocery store.

I began getting them ready 45 minutes before we had to leave. FORTY FIVE minutes. 

It still wasn't enough.

Picture this...

Snack bag was packed. Diaper bag ready. Coats on, boots on, ready to go out the door, when...

Mermaid Girl throws, yes THROWS herself to the ground yelling, "I have to PEE! MOMEEE!!! I have to PEE!!"

In my head, "You've got to be kidding me!!! She just went pee."

She really just had.

In real life, defeated: "OK...go."

Off went the boots and the coat.

Meanwhile, I see Sharky Boy lick his finger on the sly. And I think, "I know that sort of lick."

I say, "You just stuck your finger in your butt and licked it, didn't you?"

In my head, "HOLY CRAP! What is wrong with this kid! Why do kids like sticking their fingers in their butts and then LICKING them! Ugggg!"

He hesitantly admits he did in fact do just that.

So, off come his boots and coat, and we go and wash his hands. And for good measure, I wiped his butt, and as I suspected there was a tiny streak of poo. Darn poopy farts, or darn Daddy's wiping technique. And, great, my son just ingested his own poop. Gross.

No time to dwell on that.

We need to leave. 

Oh shoot, now where is Bebecita?

Well, in those couple of minutes of pee time and finger-washing-butt-cleaning time she has managed to get herself into the living room and she's also taken off her boots and her coat. Oh and yes, she's pooped.


Back at square one, minus a few squares.

So I go up to her room to change her and all is going well, until she managed to do a super ninja baby move and stuck her hand right on her poop.

You'd think I'd have the diaper changing down to a science, but apparently not. At least not today.

I feel a few tears start running down my cheeks. Because, on top of everything else, I have my period and feel slightly emotionally vulnerable and I'm so freaking tired. Not a good combination for this kind of morning event to occur.

Somehow, we manage to get out the door, into the van all buckled in, and we're late, but not super late.

I have sweat like I just ran a race (all that boot and coat wrangling, carrying baby to car, and then putting everyone and everything in the van is hard work), I probably have invisible poop on me and have messed up my makeup with the crying.

Needless to say, we only managed to get to piano class and the post office (because I HAD to ship something out today), and I cancelled the other errands.

Mermaid Girl's Painting
{Which I think is just fantastic, but I do admit I may be biased}
We survived the rest of this hard day. But barely. There was a lot more crying and whining and fighting, and broken toys and more and more crying. And very little quiet and no napping. We did get in some art time and story time cuddles in the afternoon to recoup and relax after a day that started off rough. But we did live to tell the tale, which is kind of funny now because you really can't make this stuff up.

And now, thankfully, they are all ASLEEP.

And hopefully tomorrow is better, and less poopy.

And we have some beautiful art to remind us of our day.

One day we'll look back on the paintings and say, "Yes, remember we painted that the day Mermaid Girl freaked out, Sharky Boy licked his butt finger, Bebecita stuck her hand in her poopy diaper and Mommy cried?" 

And we'll have a good laugh.


  1. I'm in awe that you manage days like this! I have only one 5 year old and can feel pushed past my limits...
    This is a great re-telling and I love your optimistic conclusion. Love it!
    I also love that painting. It's not just you.


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